thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
