We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
