it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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