I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
