so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
