Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
