speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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