Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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