Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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