My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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