i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
