See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
