the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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