I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
