He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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