Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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