I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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