I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
