there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
