new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
