This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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