Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
