we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
