i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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