dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Less talking, more tequila
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
