I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
