i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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