we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
