I hate your face
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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