you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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