I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
