hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
