i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
