I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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