i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
