So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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