i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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