I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
