She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
