The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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