dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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