it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
