It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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