What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
