It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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