**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
