dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
