i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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