I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
