i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
