I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
