U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
