Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
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