Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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