No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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