i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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