This is not my ceiling
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
