as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
