I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just gift wrapped bread.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
