so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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