I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize