if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
