I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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