I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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