If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
