I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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