found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
