Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
