Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
