Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
